Being 'Number Two'
by PinkCollins
Summary: A short one-shot exploring Gemma's feelings after losing out on the F1 Prize. Reviews/Feedback welcome.


**A/N - I would be first to admit, I'm not too sure on what I think of Gemma still, I find her very hit and miss.**

**Credit to Matthew Broughton who wrote 'The Beginning of The End' as this is where this little one-shot of writing had stemmed from. His work is nicely italicised. **

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'_Okay' Malick spoke 'So let's announce the winner. So it was very close, and there were some great candidates but in the end as you've guessed it's between you two' _

'_Yes' Gemma grinned excitedly_

'_We've taken everything into account from your time here at Holby' Malick continued_

'_You've worked hard' Ric added 'Both of you. Very impressive'_

'_Well' Malick paused 'There has to be a winner'_

'_And the winner is' Ric spoke upping the suspense_

'_Arthur Digby' Malick concluded._

'_Well done Sniffles' Gemma spoke in complete and utter shock; she thought she had it in the bag, with no Tara in the running it was hers for sure._

'_You did really well Gemma' Ric spoke noticing her disappointment, yet also gave some sound words to Arthur 'But you handled everything that we thrown you, even the more difficult cases'_

'_Yeah' Gemma half-heartedly sighed 'I better get going...'_

She could feel the tears starting to fill up in her eyes. 'I mustn't cry, I mustn't cry' she thought as she found herself hurrying along the ward and into the lift as soon as the doors opened, and she was beyond grateful, that no one else was there being alone right now seemed to make sense.

Although only a journey of a few floors, it seemed to take forever for the lift to reach Ground Floor. A feeling much like a slow moving numbness, gradually seeping lower and lower to her feet and it was a numbness that hit her with a cool breeze as the doors to the lift opened upon its arrival to ground floor.

Taking a few steps forward, Gemma found herself looking around, it was as if she had stopped and time had carried on without her, not a single person could see the pain and the hurt that was clinging on inside her eyes.

'Gemma... Gemma' a voice spoke, finally someone has noticed her 'Are you okay'

But true to self she put on her smile, it was better to lie and pretend that nothing was wrong 'Sorry, I was miles away.. What did you say'

'I just wondered if everything was alright, you look a little...'

Sacha's concern was short lived when Gemma cut him off, 'I'm fine... Long day, and this hangover is still lingering'

'Oh' he replied feeling unsure 'So how is our star?'

'Who's our star?'

'I heard it was the F1 Prize today... I am assuming it went well'

'Err yes, just great' she lied

'So did you win?' Sacha asked with glee

The question seemed to bellow in her mind, she didn't want to lie, but she also didn't want to tell the truth, letting herself down was one thing, but letting her team down was another. She could not bare it; every inch of her would have preferred her secret past of 'Dr Honey' to come out. Gemma concluded she had to lie, a little.

'I haven't found out yet, I was just going to get some air.. .'

'Oh' Sacha replied 'I'm sure it will have your name on it... Look I've got to go... come see us after you've found out'

'Eerr... Yeah... Maybe' Gemma stuttered she could feel those tears about to spill. So no sooner than Sacha was out of sight, Gemma headed out into the night, finding solace in the Memorial Garden.

Sitting, holding herself tight she let the tears start to flow, the sheer disappointment she had in herself was clear. She could not figure out what had gone wrong, the party-girl always managed to pull through and succeed, so why she had not managed to this time. Number two had lost out to number three, this was a fall in rank that was never to be proud of in her mind. To her it was the place of an academic underachiever, not a place for her.

Further thoughts filled her head, not only would the prize have extended her confidence, it was the thought of having lost out to the money reward, that somehow unlocked a deep-rooted unhappiness.

Five hundred pounds was only a small amount of money, but winning it would have meant everything to her. She had promised her son Finn a new bike, a promise she could only keep had she have won this money. It was now a broken promise, she had let down her little boy once more - what kind of mother did that make her.

The negativity deepened as the tears fell harder, she knew she was not always the best parent in the world, but she did what she could. Being a doctor was easy, it almost came natural to her, and today she felt like she had failed at that.

She could pick herself up and carry on, as normal, but this failure will become a shadow that will hang with her for the rest of her life and she didn't know if she could live with that.


End file.
